Chellys journal

I know, I know.. its been a loooong time and stuff liek that....
So sorry gang about the TOTAL late'ness on this thing. And Im woundering the same stuff you all are.. "Wheres the rest of my posts?".... I DONT KNOW... and my friends screen is all messed up too... BUUUTT you can all still msg me here.. I did get that corrected, though I doubt it will let you use your log in names. ** I wrote the live journal ppl and asked them whats up with this stupid thing and they said its cuz Ive been inactive for more than 4 months and that if I want it fixed I have to redo my whole account** .... = STUPID!!

Well Im goin to be moving here on the 23rd.. thats the official date. I havent seen many of you for awhile. I know, college. Its makes everyone busy. Well, Im in one of those moods... *sigh* I dont know the exact cause but its a number of things that I need to let out.

( Yea, Im PMS'in OKAY!!! - DEREK...!! )

I think knowing that Ill be moving here has got me so upset as well. I always get shit from the boys ( some of them ) when Im in a mood. Ill explain it this way okay: Girls get upset much easier than guys do okay. Thats just how it is and you have learn to back-off when were in our 'moods'or at least understand. ( that goes for those outside of the gang. The boys in the gang I think understand it all )

I got a few emails from those from the ole-school whom I dont talk to much about whats been happening with everyone in the last few months cuz they havent heard nothing.. Sorry everyone for not keeping things up-2-date. Its been quite wild these past 3-4 months. ** For those of you who will worry about other ppl readin this stuff.. Dont worry they wont**

And for those of you who DO know whats been happening, well; tough, you'll hear it again...

I believe that I have been thinking too much ( Im done w/ packing 4 the most part and since everyone is @ college theres not much 4 me to do here... ) and since were all so close to each other it ( at times ) makes me feel so bad/ helpless about all the miss fortune we have had thru thru the years.

SO, whats been happening .. Well Ill start from july... Well you all know whats happened to xstine after we graduated.. And that is one of the top-most terrible things that we have had happend amongst us. I wont go into it though cuz its too personal. Then bryan was in the hospital and scared us all!....We were told he might actually die. Well, he had heart surgery ( at 19... to young for heart probs I think ) and that seemed to have helped his condition untill he abruptly stopped dating this one girl, in which he once again ended up in the hospital. This is also one issue that is hard for me to comprehend and belive and the same time...

:::: ------> First of all let me first say that I DONT BLAME ANYONE FOR ANYTHING....... And another thing before I start on my rant.... Yea Im gonna talk about Bryan for awhile so those of you who might get irritated with that can fucking sign off... ( not that anyone has complained but im sure someone might think it and that coupled with my pissy mood isnt good.. lol )

See if there is ANYONE I know in the WHOLE FUCKING WOLRD who has had it BAD; I mean the definition of bad... the truest form of it; its bryan. Yet hes always been able to move on and become more and more stronger as each day comes and goes. Thats somthing I cant do.. or most ppl for that matter. Its truely somthing that belongs in a movie. I cant help but feel so bad for him though, Im his best friend and I still at times think that I never have done enough for him. And I wish other people would treat him better too. Its not somthing that the common girl or boy can understand, its not. Not untill youve been in ours ( or his ) shoes; can you fully understand some of the on-going hurt and frustration that we all feel. And that comes back to how ppl treat bryan. They either think ( after they hear or from someone find out ) that hes 'nuts' or odd; or they never take what he says seriously. See bryan is probally the sweetest boy I know ( and the other girls think the same ) for gods sake, he was SHOT by that kris kid (freshman year) while protecting xstine from him. ( he was jealous of them dating and he was doin some heavy drugs.. which messed him up 2 ) (* thats how bryan got his heart condition *) I mean its example like that that make him who he is. People dont understand that things he says, are said for a reason and with truth and experience behind the words, and that hes just an all around great boy. He didnt date for a long time after xstine and then this year he did again... He choose not to cuz he wanted to find that 'someone' who he thought was special. But as his luck goes it didnt work out... And that in itself was a WHOLE BIG controversary and story on its own. I mean I myself dont judge ppl and sure as hell dont judge this girl at all.. in fact shes pretty damn awesome if you ask me, yea its her loss and she wont realize untill its comes to bite her in the ass and thats very sad.. but we cant change ppl or the way they think and thats just life. I dont want so be sounding mean.. Really, I love this girl.. she is great and really does treat bryan nice; outside of not dating him; but I guess I will never know if she will come to see bryan as we all see him. And with that said, bryan STILL thinks very highly of her and really, truely, deeply loves her with his whole heart. Thats just how good bryan is to ppl and I guess I just wish he was given the credit he deserves. Hes spent so much of his energy and time helping us and others that I feel he should be treated much better. Hes been a fire fighter and THAT is a job not all ppl can do.. amongst all the gore and sickening things Im sure bryan has seen, its never fazes him and he keeps on helping and caring for ppl. Thats also somthing that has kept us all so close together as a group or friends. We have all had our in-fighting and have swung our fists at each other ( I.E. derek & bryan, tiffany & derek, derek&xstine, xstine&derek.. ) I mean I never have had much probs with any one... But bryans stuck his neck out for derek bunch of times and for us girls... thats cuz we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Theres not to many boys I would trust to protect me, bryan (and bobby)I do. Geesh, this is so frustrating... I also wish that bryan would find another g/f .... but being a girl and knowing how some of us girls are; most girls only want one thing.. or a number of things.. everything BUT liking the boy for who they are and NOTHING ELSE!.... I'm not all sweet and innocent either.. Ive liked guys for one thing or another.. not for who they are.. yea im guilty.. lol But still that doesnt change the fact that brys more derserving of a nice girl and **MAYBE** and second chance with the last; even though were all very doubtfull of that... Its just somthing I have to get over .. thats all and I realize it.... *sigh* Well theres not enough words in the world or explanations that can fully characterize bryan and fully explain how great and just .. GREAT he is. Now someone might read this and say, " wow she must really like bryan" or " wow she must be making all of this up" or " shes full of shit" ----- First, I really DO like him.. yea but not quite in the g/f-b/f way. Its more of a best friends type relationship things.. weird I know. Secondly, No all I have said is the Truth. I belive lying about stuff is quite a cowardly thing to do and is kinda 'sin-ish'. Thirdly, none of this is talking outta my ass.. its more of a girl in a pissy mood coupled with PMS ( ill admit it ) and anxiety about moving ..... there ya go. So I hope I didnt offend anyone and would greatly appreciate any commment or suggestions you guys can give me.

Now, about moving... I am kinda lookin forward to it and kinda not. Its was all quite sudden that my dad decided to move and still IM kinda mad at him for decidng to do so. I wanted to stay in ill and perhaps move in with xstine ( too late now.. shes at college ) or karen and pay them for rent. but my parents said 'no' and that "change is good".... BULLSHIT... well, kinda; Every 'change' ( mostly) I or the whole gang has experienced has been really bad. And I was supposed to start college this year liek everyone else... wish i was tiffany ( who is quite young for college ) who got thru everything kinda quick.. didnt she skip like 6th grade?? lol i dunno.. But I guess we;ll have to wait and see...

I would really like to get everyone together again for one last .. i dunno.. one last 'somthing' That would be great. lol Bryan is goin to 6 flags I belive this sat and I continualy hear him bitching about "whata in the box" lol I wont say nothin til he opens it... Remember theres still one of you out there who still owes bryan for sticking up 4 during the derek fiasco... just one of many fiascos... god allmighty..... lol You know qho u are... ** spot light shines on you...** haha

And that brings me to another stupid event lately... well derek was stupid again and screwed up big time.. no, no ppl.. MORE than hes done b4. As of now I belive we have all forgave him ( except tiffany ) but we dont trust him anymore. with ANYTHING.. WHOOO.. I got a headache and need to rest.

Im sorry for sounding like the biggest bitch that every lived but I got reasons... and this all has been on my mind. Those of you who know me know that I never get upset frequently.. but theres a lot of stress lately and more to come im sure. I should be good now.. sorry for the messy post. And Ill try to keep up with this too..lol

IF you guys wanna comment on anything or tell me to shut up then go ahead.. Id really appreciate feed-back on this. And if I offended anyone, please feel free to let me know.. Love you all.. byes

*>OH yea.. for those of you goin to 6 flags .. SEND ME PICTURES OKAY>>>> YOU ALL BETTER!! Got ME!! ... lol I took care of the cameras so you better use ALL THE FILM! haha<*
~Chelly

Current Mood: bitchy

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